{Mommy Journal} A 20-Month Letter

FullSizeRender-11DSC_3446DSC_3518Dear Caleb,

Life is going so quickly right now and I wish I could keep up with writing down all your dear little antics. You are an absolute joy and thrill to our hearts. We could not imagine a more lovable, feisty, energetic, silly, affectionate, relational 20-month-old than the one God has given us. Every day with you is a new adventure and I am just smitten with the little person you are becoming.

I realized the other day, as I was cooking and you were busy pulling dishes out of your cupboard, that somehow, wherever I am, you end up there and find something to keep you happy. If I am in the bedroom putting away laundry, you’ll be in the corner playing with Daddy’s reading light. If I am in the living room sending apartment emails, you will be at your book basket reading. If I am in the bathroom getting ready for the day, you will be at the counter, seeing what you can reach and asking to put on deodorant. If I am in your room picking up, you will be pounding your workbench. It doesn’t matter where I go…you are my shadow and you follow me and stay busy next to me. I know it won’t be like this for long, and I treasure those moments of noticing your constant presence and your desire to be where Mommy is.

We love so many quirks about you.
– your crowd cheer
– the way you run and jump onto the bed when Mommy’s making it
– your infatuation with clocks and smoke alarms
– the way you call stars “tinkle stars” and then start signing “tinkle, tinkle little star”
– your noise and hand motion for an elephant
– the way you still sign “bath” when saying it
– your love for playing Hop on Pop
– the way you ask, “shoulders?” when you see Daddy leaving for work
– how you’ve started adding “too” to words for emphasis… “too hot,” “too big,” etc.
– your passion for books. Right now your favorites are Lentil and Bread and Jam for Frances.
– the way you point out “Mommy’s oo-ee (smoothie), Cabub’s oo-ee”. You’re very intent on whose is what, and refer to yourself in the third person.
– your love for nursery
– the way you pull our faces in and give us kisses right on the lips
– your giggles as you run to get in between Daddy and Mommy’s hugs
– when you say “more neck” so I’ll keep kissing under your double chin
– your obsession with “blankie” and “other blankie” for naps and bedtime
– your love for puzzles
– how you chatter about everything you’re reading during blanket time
– the way you say “oh-gurt” (yogurt) and “pagetti”
– when you’re so excited about something, you say “oooooh, yeaaaaah!”
– your passion for all kinds of balls – beach balls, basketballs, footballs, tennis balls, etc…and your acute awareness of the difference between them
– when you say “happy” as we reach the shopping cart, because you’re going to have a happy heart when Mommy puts you in
– your excitement over time with Lukas and Emma
– your enormous appetite
– the way you ask for “eck-fast” each morning and sometimes after naps
– your hugs and kisses and “awwwwws” for baby Seggie
– your crazy dance moves and amazing sense of rhythm
– how you set your jaw when you are concentrating on something

We love you, sweet Monkey! You are going to be a wonderful big brother and we are so excited to watch you grow and learn. If I could freeze time, I would, yet I know that you will continue to delight us as you get older. We pray that God lays hold of your heart from a young age and that you follow Him with all that you are.

Love,
Mommy

A Letter to Our New Baby

IMG_0067Dear Seggie,

Just because you’re baby #2 doesn’t mean we love you any less. But your big brother sure does make life crazy, compared to when I was expecting him! Although I haven’t journaled weekly updates this time, I’ve kept up on how big you are each week and read about your developments just like I did when Caleb was still Yaffie. You are growing like a weed!

Daddy and I were so excited the day we found out about you, and we could hardly believe it was true. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside at the thought of another child to love and cuddle. It was so fun getting to tell our families in person and they were all just as excited as we were. As the days went on, you started to make me really sick. The weeks felt long, but I never for one tiny moment doubted that you were worth it. We talked about you a lot, what we would name you and when you might arrive–our little Christmas baby. We told Caleb about you and he learned to pat and kiss you through my tummy. We are reading books about being a big brother so that he will be ready when you arrive.

Gradually, I started to have some good days, after we hit 14 weeks. Between weeks 15 and 16, I started to feel some of your very subtle movements. On the Sunday I was 16 weeks, you danced to Psalm 139 put to music at church–so appropriate! We were singing about how God knew you before you were even formed in my womb.

Daddy first felt you playing at 16 weeks, 2 days. Your wiggles were soft but definitely there. Things really started getting real then. You were developing personality and we knew you could hear our voices. I feel you throughout the day now, and it brings a warm smile to my face.

We love you so much, sweet Seggie. We can’t wait to get to know you as the weeks progress. Will you be active and outgoing like your big brother? Or quiet and laid back? Will you love long snuggles, or will you be a squirmer? Will you devour books? Adore animals? Only time will tell.

Love,
Mommy

{Mommy Journal} Monkey Vocabulary

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When you’re a mommy, and 95% of what you do is spend time caring for, playing with, and enjoying your baby/toddler, you think there’s no way you’ll ever forget all the adorable little things he does and says. But then you do.

I’m so glad for what I’ve been able to write down, but wish I’d written more! This is a simple post to share with you and help me remember what Caleb’s vocabulary looks like these days. He says more, but these are the recognizable staples I can brainstorm right now. :)

Daddy
Mommy
Puff
Bick (book)
Wa-wa (water)
Mick (milk)
Yuck
Wow
Hi
Yeah
No
Emma
Nana (Banana)
Caw (car)
Daw (dog)
Kit (cat)
Baw (ball)
Uh-oh
Up
Bay-Baw (baseball)
Oop (hoop)
Baby
Wuck (walk)
Baff (bath)
Muh (more)
Bye-bye
Gock (clock, sometime socks)
Ish (George, as in Curious George)
Eees (cheese or shoes)
Ay-baw (rainbow)
Essh (glasses)
Ack (snack)
Bop (Popsie)
Nannie
Ama (Grandma – although this varies slightly)
Ampa (Grandpa – also varies each time)
Eat (street)
Ess (stairs)
Onk onk (honk honk)
Beep
Bup (button)
Bee (bird)
Knock knock

{Marriage Journal} A Baby Is Not An Escape

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Here are a few thoughts I drafted one month before Caleb was born, but never posted. 15 months later, I’m convinced more than ever that a solid marriage is the best foundation from which to begin adding children to the mix! =) 

Andrew and I are bursting with excitement to meet our first child sometime in the next several weeks. It’s truly a day we’ve talked and dreamed about for years, and it’s finally here.

Goodbye, Just Us

Saying hello to this beautiful new season of life called parenting has meant bidding farewell to an equally amazing time as just the two of us, and that makes me sad. Andrew is my very favorite person and best friend, and no matter how much one-on-one time we are blessed with, I could always enjoy even more. I’m never tired of his company, and when he is at school, I look forward to his return all day long. Sometimes we can’t even wait through his 20 minute commute and one of us calls the other when he’s out of class so we can start talking while he drives. =)

This is not to say that we do not sin against each other, behave selfishly, hurt one another’s feelings, have conflict, and hit bumps in the road, because we do. But thanks entirely to the grace of God, our relationship is characterized by unity and camaraderie. He has enabled us to establish the habit of keeping short accounts, so that matters of conflict are addressed quickly and willing forgiveness is granted regularly. This makes for an imperfect but oh, so sweet friendship. Praise God!

Hello, Parenthood

The natural progression of life is to start having children sometime after your wedding, and that’s a very good thing. But I think it would be easy to seek this “next step” of parenting as a means of escape from the monotony of a marriage that has become at best boring, or even downright unhappy.

Escape is never the right reason to begin having children. Adding babies to an unhealthy marriage is a sure way to make that marriage even worse. I cannot imagine navigating just the challenges of pregnancy with a husband I’m not close to, let alone trying to raise a little person(s) together. That sounds like the recipe for disaster.

If you happen to be someone currently married and pre-babies, I would encourage you not to crave that “next step” as a way to restore excitement or add a new distraction to your life. It may be wise to evaluate your relationship with your husband and take purposeful steps to help it flourish. (This is always a good idea, regardless of your season of life.) Pinpoint where you are sinning or slacking off in your marriage and ask the Lord to change you from the inside out and grow you into the wife He has called you to be. Communicate with your husband and work together to strengthen your friendship. Of course, all our people problems can be traced back to where our hearts are at with God, so this area of our lives must be addressed first.

Having children should be a joyful step that married couples decide to take as one happy unit. I don’t know this first hand yet, but I have observed that parenting is a team effort and should draw dad and mom closer to one another as they learn to lean on God through brand new challenges and responsibilities that children bring.

You’re Already a Family

Instead of thinking of “starting a family” as the morning you get a positive pregnancy test, think of your wedding day as that moment. You are a family, just the two of you. Soak up this precious season of life as “newlyweds” (even if it’s been years) and build into your friendship with your husband. After all, when the kids are grown and gone, you’ll be right back where you are now. If your littles were your escape from “just the two of you”, that doesn’t sound like a happy way to enter the “empty nesters” phase.

I know there are countless stories of unhappy couples having children, and God using parenting as a tool to refine the marriage and bring the husband and wife closer together. All is certainly not lost when babies are added to a rocky marriage. Praise the Lord! But it is ideal to work toward that healthy relationship before the kiddos come along, so consider how you might do that now. Never view a baby as an escape; instead ask the Lord to create a marriage you don’t want to escape from.

This World is Not My Home…And That Changes Everything

IMG_7707As I wrote recently in my 2015 recap, I did a lot of wrestling over the past year. Much of that wrestling continues as we are one month into 2016. It’s not necessarily a negative thing; wrestling is a necessary part of the Christian life. There was a time when I didn’t really wrestle the way I do now, and I know that I had nowhere near the relationship with Christ or the desire to make my life count for Him that I do now. With growth and sanctification has come more intense internal spiritual battle.

In reading Letters to Pastors’ Wives (which is SO good so far, by the way), I stumbled upon a quote that absolutely hit the nail on the head in articulating one of my biggest struggles. This quote is written of two godly Christian wives from years ago…

“They knew this world was not their home, and this knowledge gave them stability to enjoy good times without needing them and to endure hardship without despair.”

When I read that, my world was rocked. That is precisely where I so want my heart to land. I’m a pendulum, constantly swinging between being so caught up in not holding onto my gifts that then I don’t even enjoy them, to being crippled by fear that I might lose them because I’m idolizing them. But that simple sentence encapsulates the balance that I long to strike: applying the truth that this world is not my home by enjoying the good times, with a precious, healthy family and all my material needs met, while still having a heart that is prepared to see those blessings removed without sinking into despair.

This concept boiled down into one simple sentence hit me in such a profound way that I felt compelled to share it in case anyone out there wrestles with the same issue.

Believing by faith that this world is a fleeting journey taking me toward my eternal home with Christ has massive practical implications for how I live my life. I’m constantly begging the Lord to give me the discipline and vision to set my “mind on the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God” (Col. 3:2).

Because doing so changes everything.

Does Your Husband Buy You Flowers?

IMG_8751One of the many things I’ve learned from being married is that no two marriages will look the same, nor should they. Our culture paints idealistic cookie-cutter pictures of romance and love, but reality is often far from what we have seen in movies or read about in books. (By the way, I’ve found that reality is different, yes, but far deeper, richer, and more wonderful than the culture’s portrayal of it.)

Romance is one of those words that can encompass a million different things, but often gets squished into a few ideas: flowers, a candlelight dinner, hand-in-hand walks on the beach at sunset, etc. Those are all romantic and special ways of showing one another love, but romance can mean so much more!

Andrew is, in general, not a flower-buyer. He is not one of those guys who will randomly stop by the grocery store on his way home and pick up a bouquet of roses “just because” more than once or twice a year. This has never been a “hard” thing for me, but I have teased him over the years about it because he predictably buys me flowers on Valentine’s Day.

The summer I was expecting Caleb, I was dealing with a really difficult situation related to my apartment management job at the time. I left home in a puddle of tears for an errand. When I returned about 45 minutes later, Andrew was just washing the last of a huge stack of dirty dishes in my kitchen. I started crying again because it meant so much and it was such a relief to come home to a clean kitchen. (Dishes hang over my head like no other chore!)

“I was going to go buy you flowers,” Andrew explained, “but then I thought that washing the dishes would mean more to you, so I did that instead.”

In that moment, I realized that every time he voluntarily washes the dishes for me or speaks my love language in another way, it is like his “version” of bringing home flowers. Not only does it take the same thoughtfulness and love, but it really does mean more to me than flowers. I don’t particularly love flowers for the flowers’ sake. What I love is that they mean Andrew has thought about me and chosen to do something to tangibly convey that love. But he does that in a million other ways that are actually even better (to me) than flowers, and when I recognize that, there is no room for jealousy when I hear about a hubby who brings home bouquets on a regular basis.

I drafted this post about a year-and-a-half ago, and finally publishing it today ironically comes on the heels of a surprise bouquet of flowers from Andrew after a hard day. But the message I hope to convey is the same.

Don’t let the world’s definitions of love and romance make you miss out on the ways your spouse is already showing affection. Never play a game of comparison, and wish your hubby would be as romantic as your friend’s is. Observe and appreciate the “unconventional” ways he romances you, and treasure the reality that your marriage is uniquely yours, and your husband is uniquely him. He may not buy you flowers, but I’ll bet you can find his thoughtfulness in a hundred other gestures, if you’re just willing to stop and look.