For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn promises to take its reader “beneath the surface into the inner lives of men”. Its information is based on a “national survey and personal interviews with over one thousand men.” This book has its helpful qualities but also its flaws. Let me try to explain.
For Women Only is primarily based on secular information and psychology, not on the Word of God. I do not mean to imply that it is unbiblical, but rather that its starting point is not one that would lend itself to changing a marriage from the inside out. One of the endorsements on the inside cover claims that the book has “the power to change you and your relationship”. I strongly disagree with that statement. The power to revolutionize you and your marriage in a lasting and God-glorifying way lies within the gospel. I would encourage anyone reading this book to put it in its rightful place: that of one that may help you to understand your husband in a new way. To read it apart from the Bible and other gospel-grounded resources could result in a list of “dos and don’ts” with little perspective or help for the root of our marriage problems. Understanding that your husband desires respect may help you to bite your tongue when you feel harsh words coming on, but does nothing to change your heart.
I also have a slight issue with the author’s insistence that men need this and men need that. I realize that she is writing to women, and authors have to shout to be heard. At the same time, if a Christian man’s whole morale system comes crashing down with a disrespectful comment from his wife, as this book implies, he has serious identity issues. My identity should not be wrapped up in whether my husband loves me, neither should his be wrapped up in whether I respect him, see to his physical needs, etc. I am commanded to honor him in many ways, yes, but he is also commanded to delight himself in the Lord, and not in my behavior as a wife.
I know that was a lot of critical nit-picking. But I believe we should be careful when staking philosophies or belief systems on a book–any book other than the Bible. All of that said, I did find For Women Only helpful in understanding more of how many men think about different issues. I specifically appreciated the chapter on romance, which helped me to see how a guy views this part of the relationship and how it can complement my idea of romance. I also found the chapter about his inherent drive to provide useful in understanding the responsibility and pressure husbands feel in taking care of their families. And there were plenty of other helpful tidbits to glean along the way.
I could definitely see myself giving this book to a wife and encouraging her to read a specific chapter that might shed light on an issue in her marriage. I would not recommend it before first promoting What Did You Expect, which is extremely gospel-centered, and The Excellent Wife, which feels like Scripture with a few thoughts thrown in on the side. In balance with books like these, For Women Only is a useful tool in growing into women who love and understand the men in our lives.